There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize