i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
