omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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