The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
