i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
