she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
