tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
