I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
