so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
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