At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
