the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
