u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
