FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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