My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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