Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
