I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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