lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i wish my penis had a tongue
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
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