Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
