I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
