Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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