my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
