Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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