I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I wear drunk well.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
