me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
