why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
