did you get engaged???
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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