Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
i need some magic done to my vagina
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
