After last night, I could never be a politician.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
