After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
