I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
