? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
