She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
