I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
