At least make sure they are 18
Why
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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