please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
