i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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