It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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