my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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