Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
