Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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