She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
