some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
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