every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
