Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I have fence marks all over my body
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
