Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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