it wasn't lemon gatorade
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
