Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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