Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
