My friends, they love my intelligence
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
