I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
