you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
