Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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