Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
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