so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
