Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he was CRYING into my vagina
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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